Figuring it Out

I have spent the last 2+ years exploring the world trying to figure out what makes me happy… what makes me tick… the thing that I could see myself spend the rest of my life doing. It was a pretty large task as some who had spent their entire life thinking they were going to move to New York and work in the city forever. Through the years and countless tourist days I have figured out I am only truly happy when I am exploring. I love discovering new places, getting lost down little alleyways, and discovering little pieces of magic along the way. I love being able to write and share those experiences with whoever wants to read. I am truly stoked when I am doing gigs that are challenging. Ones that are completely outside my comfort zone. Ones that will allow me to try something completely out of the ordinary for a time. The more time that has passed since graduating college and the more time I would spend on the road doing weird or out of the ordinary jobs, the more lost I become. People always say your 20s are about discovering yourself. It is the time to figure out what your purpose is, however, I have figured out that I have NO idea what I want to do. I think I have drifted further away from knowing what I wanted to do. Yes, I want to write, and yes I want to explore, but I still haven’t figured out how to put the two and two together. I have learned that I need to surround myself with good vibed people. I need to do something that is not monotonous. I get bored with routine. I thrive on the unknown.

When I decided to do AmeriCorps I thought this was it. This was the time I would truly figure out what I would do in my life. I would serve an area that really needed it, I would live in a place that was completely different than what I was used to, and I would do something that was challenging. This service year, however, has proven to be something completely different than what I would expect. Sure, I can move all over the United States and do hard manual labor. I could move to a foreign country completely on my own and figure it out, but moving to a town 4.5 hours away from where I grew up to work in an office with no windows has proven to be the most challenging yet. Maybe it’s the fact that I am back working in an office, something I did for all of my internships. Maybe it’s the fact that I am living in a town with the same 500 people, and I don’t have the ability to meet the mass amounts of eclectic characters I am so used to on my travels. Maybe it’s the fact that I’m tied down to this place for a full year, which is something I hate doing. Or maybe it’s the fact that I’m doing something that I’m not super stoked on. Now, I know in life you will have to do things that you don’t want to, but then again life is about more than making money and paying the bills. This year is proving to be more challenging than I thought, and I still have eight months. This is not to say I have only hated my time in West Virginia. It is amazing to experience mountain life here. It has, however, shown me that office life is DEFINITELY not for me. It has taught me that I thrive interacting with interesting and diverse humans.

I strive to only do things that truly make my heart happy. I think that out of all of my experiences and homes over the year, this one, the one that seemingly is the most “formal”  or “normal: has taught me the most. It has taught me that I am not done exploring. I am not done trying to find my bliss. I’m not done traveling. I can’t wait to see where I go after this year, and though I’m struggling to be positive about remaining here for so long, I cannot wait to experience more of West Virginia.

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